She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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