Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need help removing her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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