Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
