weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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