I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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