god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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