the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
