You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
