If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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