just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
