I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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