just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
