I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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