SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
