ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
