dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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