her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
