S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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