True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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