Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
