Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
