listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
