as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
