i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
