Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she pinky promised me she was 18
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
