I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize