she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
