i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
