1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
