broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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