just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
