You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
