I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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