She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
