i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so let's talk penis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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