oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
