I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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