new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
