using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
