dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
