I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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