omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
