Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
