i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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