I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
only you would photoshop your dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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