The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
