I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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