Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize