Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
