As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
