i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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