We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
