grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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