Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
