If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
