bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
