mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
