I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
