I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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