the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
