no, he came in my armpit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
