The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Randomize
