We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
