the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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