I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
