if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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