We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
