So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
